The Lovenstein Institute has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.
The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv).
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes." The characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes "Administratium"--an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton Pennsylvania is a think tank employing high caliber historians, psychiatrists, sociologists, scientists in human behavior, and psychologists. Among their ranks are Dr. Werner R. Lovenstein, world-renowned sociologist, and Professor Patricia F. Dilliams, a world-respected psychiatrist.
Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published its research to the education community on various topics including the famous Presidential IQ Report among others. Reports are distributed to subscribing member universities and organizations within the education community.
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